Now (underline) I live in my favorite city. In my city. There are people dear to my heart, the way home through the alley, gatherings with girlfriends on the embankment or in cafes at the Golden Gate, a wonderful view from the window on the Dnipro and the most beautiful sunsets in the city, favorite things and work. Sometimes there is even a false sense of confidence that everything is as it was before. But this is only a fleeting thought that slips away under the sound of sirens and hundreds of news stories read every day. And yes, there is still a road of 36 hours to see a loved one. All this involuntarily brings back into a new reality, and “happy now” disappears somewhere.
And instead of him (I’m sure everyone knows this):
The first is that thoughts wander somewhere, and actions are performed on autopilot.
The second is that many delusions are formed in our consciousness, which send the most powerful signals to the brain, and it begins to believe in the unreality of the moment in which you are: “I will go on vacation and enjoy life”, “A little more – and everything will be like before the war , and I will be able to rejoice again”, “I will start my business and become successful”, “Tomorrow everything will definitely change for the better, and we will be happy”.
The third is an excuse for one’s own inactivity, “after all, it’s a war,” and with it, getting up at 9 a.m., “because the sirens howled at night and didn’t let me sleep,” and the reluctance to go out or travel far, “because there may be anxiety,” and refusing to pamper yourself with those new vintage earrings or tweed jacket “because now’s not the time.”
Fourthly, remorse appears against the background of inaction. When you think that every day can be the last, it seems that you need to do the maximum: work until late at night, maybe without even having lunch.
Nowadays it is so easy to lose the sense of life. Especially when you are so used to bright emotions and planning. By the way, for the seventh month I have almost not planned anything (and my loved ones know for sure that I am a plan person and a diary person, and when there is no plan of action, I have stress), because every day of our life can be the last.
I feel all the injustice of the world (when I read the news, the awareness of it does not leave me for a moment) with my skin. This bitter feeling overwhelms each of us today, but it seems that nothing can be done about it.
Nowadays it is so easy to lose the sense of life. Especially when you are so used to bright emotions and planning. By the way, for the seventh month I have almost not planned anything (and my loved ones know for sure that I am a plan person and a diary person, and when there is no plan of action, I have stress), because every day of our life can be the last.
I feel all the injustice of the world (when I read the news, the awareness of it does not leave me for a moment) with my skin. This bitter feeling overwhelms each of us today, but it seems that nothing can be done about it.
This is all a reality that we did not ask for, with which we are just learning to get along, from which – we want to believe – the second wall in the house will save us, a reality in which the fear of the unknown exists alongside the war-life balance.
Have you noticed that in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, we shift our attention to details, often negative ones, because they require serious emotional costs, and people are always prone to this? Do we often think about what we have now? Is our dissatisfaction with this moment really justified? Without having time to understand and figure it out, we intuitively turned our life into a sprint and got a feeling of fatigue in addition to stress.
And after a long time of running in this wheel, experiencing emotional burnout and apathy towards everything and finally accepting a new reality, I realized that everything we have is vulnerable and can disappear at any moment. That is why it is so important to remember this now. We submit to the crazy rhythm of life, forgetting what is really important, which is to simply remain human at any time of the day and year.
The more distant the future, the less it depends on us. Pleasure cannot be the goal, it arises only as a side effect in the implementation of larger tasks.
This day will never happen again. What you feel right now is also: joy, tears, anxiety, smile, grief. It is important to understand that no one will live life for you. Even the event that caused you pain (and as we know, there is no disaster without good), has its positive sides, because it can give you an impetus for something greater in the future, it has already changed you.
