Have you ever resented others for not meeting your expectations? Psychologist gives an example: a girl has already planned a romantic dinner with her boyfriend in her head, planned everything down to the minute… But then her lover says: “Listen, I’m going to meet the boys today.” And everything — drama, tears, offensive words, etc.
Why did this happen?
There is a certain explanation for this – the syndrome of inflated expectations. This is when a person feels disappointment, anger, acquires complexes, if something did not go according to the ideal plan in his head. In our situation, the girl invented something for herself, believed in it herself, as if it would only happen this way and it could not happen in any other way (at the same time, the planning of the evening was not discussed with her lover).
Or, which happens very often, we meet a new person and idealize him, and then our thoughts crash on the rocks of reality, and the person no longer seems so ideal.
Remember the main thing: no one is obliged to meet your expectations, because people may not even be aware that they have been entrusted with some “perfect” mission! Of course, when something you’ve been waiting for so much doesn’t come true, it causes discomfort. The consequences can also affect relationships. Usually, women’s expectations in a relationship are too high.
Yes, you can try in every way to change your partner in accordance with your goals and needs in order to become happy, but at the same time you absolutely do not take into account his criteria for happiness. Remember that you got together in the first place because it was good for you and to keep it going! Talk, listen to your partner’s opinion, maybe he has completely different views on all this.
Don’t expect some kind of mirror return (“I do this for him, but he can’t do that”), because your choice is only yours and may not correspond to your partner’s choice.
What to do with your inflated expectations?
1. Look objectively and realistically at the surrounding world and loved ones.
2. Rely on yourself, and do not wait for handouts from fate or other people.
3. Realize that unrealistic expectations will not bring happiness to you or to those with whom you associate them.
4. Remember, as a rule, your actions are your choices. What you consider a partner’s duty to you is his conscious choice and his perception of your relationship.
5. Do not compare anyone, everyone is unique in their own way.
6. Enjoy life, every moment.
7. If you feel that you will not be able to cope with this on your own, it is better to consult a psychologist. A specialist will help you understand your true desires, which are yours, and not dictated by someone else, and will teach you to accept and appreciate other people with all their flaws.