Let’s simulate the situation: in the morning you took your child to a kindergarten or school, after which you went to work to present an important project that you have been working on for six months. Everything went well, even better than you imagined. There’s just one catch: you don’t feel at all happy. Proud of herself – yes, satisfied – also yes, but happy – no. What to do about it?
First, let’s figure out what happiness is. Everyone has their own, so it is difficult to define it. But transformational leader and happiness specialist Marcy Shimoff tried it. And that’s what she did.
Happiness due to bad events. This sounds paradoxical, but understandable. After a stressful experience or an unpleasant event, a person, of course, seeks to improve his mood. To do this, he begins to indulge in a variety of pleasures: alcohol, spontaneous purchases, overeating, constant watching TV. He considers this feeling to be happiness, but it is very short-lived, which means it is incomplete.
Happiness due to good events. The most common definition of happiness, which is really just an illusion. Usually people define happiness as a good relationship with loved ones, a successful career, material security, owning a beautiful house, a car, and self-realization. “Happiness due to good events” depends on the external circumstances of life. If circumstances change, happiness goes away with them.
Happiness for no reason. This is real happiness, a state of calmness that does not depend on external circumstances. After all, true happiness is not just a collection of happy moments, it is not stormy joy, euphoria or an attack of good mood, because these states are temporary. Such happiness does not mean that you have to walk and smile, it’s not about emotions at all. In fact, being happy for no reason can feel any emotion, including sadness, fear, anger, or pain, but at the heart of it all will be calmness.
So, you have understood what happiness is and how it should be. But what to do next? How to learn to feel that inner happiness without a reason? There are a few habits for this that will really help you become a content and joyful person over time.
Mindfulness. It alone can solve many of our problems – from being overweight and smoking to increasing happiness. To develop awareness, a coach suggests the following exercise: set the alarm 5 to 7 times at any time during the day. When it rings, just stop, take a deep breath, mentally scan your body, how it feels, catch your thoughts, feel that you are in this moment.
A responsibility. Happy people are in control of the events of their lives. If they cannot change events, they change their attitude towards them. The next time you’re in a traffic jam, take a look around. You will see that someone is frowning, someone is shouting at other drivers, someone is gripping the steering wheel, and someone is singing songs at the top of their lungs. The event is one, but everyone has a different attitude towards it.
Abandoning victim thinking and constant complaints. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself and ruining your mood, focus on finding a solution. Try not to torment yourself and others with constant negative thinking.