Love supports in difficult situations, gives meaning to the fight against the enemy and countering the difficulties of adaptation in a new place, gives strength to care for loved ones. Love during war gives a sense of stability and at least a minimal control over the situation. Psychotherapist emphasizes that at the same time love itself needs support, especially during the period of forced separation from a loved one.
Difficulties arise because:
it seems that feelings are not in the first place now: it seems that now it is more important to fight, to volunteer, to “be useful” to others;
that feelings will wait: each of the partners has the primary tasks of standing at the post, working, responding to alarm signals, setting up life in a new place, arranging a child in kindergarten, processing documents in another country, etc.;
love is dulled: there is a feeling of loneliness – there are not enough words of love, hugs, support.
These feelings can be counteracted by realizing how important you are to each other.
There are several ways that will help to preserve feelings
1. Use your “special” code words, affectionate nicknames that can support and remind you of the warmest moments of your life together.
2. Create a ritual of calling or texting in messengers. Tell each other about everything that happened during the day, details of daily affairs, successes and achievements of the child. It is good if there is an opportunity to make such calls regular. Preferably at the same time every day.
3. Talk and write about your feelings. Even if there is no possibility of conversations or detailed correspondence, send symbolic emoticons or romantic stickers that can instantly remind your partner of your love.
4. Listen to your partner. Remember that it’s not easy for both of you right now, and you may both be anxious or irritated. Try to react calmly if you hear emotional outbursts.
5. Show that you notice your partner’s efforts.
6. Make a virtual date with a cup of coffee or the simplest but shared dinner on different sides of the screen.
7. Trinkets (small jewelry, key rings) given by loved ones help to support feelings. Memories of the moments when and how these gifts were made remind you of the feelings that unite you. And in a situation of anxiety, these little things can help to “ground” and calm down.
8. If the wife and children are in a safe place, photos of the children in their daily activities can be a good reminder of a peaceful life for the husband/father.
9. Share dreams of joint ventures after victory.
10. Take forced separation as an excuse to miss each other. The main thing is trust between partners, faith in feelings.
